An actual phone conversation I had earlier today....

�Hello, is this Ed?�

�Uh, yes it is.�

�Ed Williams, the writer guy?�

�Uh, yeah, Ed Williams the writer guy.�

�How are you? My name is Sam Filbert, and I�m a big fan.�

�Hey Sam, it�s nice to meet you, what can I do for you?�

�It�s really you, isn�t it?�

�Yeah Sam, last time me and my mirror met, it was me.�

�What? Oh, okay! I see what you�re meaning. That could even be funny, you know. Did you mean for it to be?�

�Just horsin� around. What can I do for you?�

�I was given your name and number by your dad, Fred Williams, Jr. He seems like a really nice guy. We talked for a long time, and then he gave me your phone number so that I could call you. What a great guy!�

�Great isn�t even close to how I�d describe him right now, Sam. Old Fred is quite a guy, and then some. Now look, I have some work I have to get done, and I know you didn�t call just to tell me just how much you like sweet old Fred. What can I do for you?�

�Ed, I wanted to know if you�d like to help America�s next humor writing superstar!�

�Well, tell me the name of the person and what they�ve done, and then we can talk more.�

�Ed, with all due respect, I�m talkin� about myself!�

�Sam, you write?�

�I sure do, Ed. Let me tell you a little about what I�ve written. For the last six months I�ve written something every day, in fact, I write at least two pages each day no matter what!�

�Sam, that�s very impressive. What kind of stuff do you write?�

�Well, I love to write stories about growing up in a small Southern town. I grew up in Shady Dale, Georgia, so my manuscript is a bunch of funny stories about all the crazy things we did when I was growing up there.�

�That�s great, Sam, I give you a lot of credit for being persistent enough to complete an entire manuscript. That�s quite an accomplishment. What�s next for you?�

�That�s where you come in, Ed.�

�That�s where I come in? What�re you talking about?�

�Ed, look. I know getting a book published is hard. Real hard. And I�m sitting here with all these great stories about growing up in Shady Dale - I have no doubt that they�ll be popular and sell tons of books. That�s where you come in, and that�s where you can help me. You can get me in front of a publisher in no time, and then I�ll convince them that they need to publish my book!�

�I can do that? How?�

�Just introduce me to the people over at River City Publishing, your publisher. I�ll take it from there. Once they see my stories, I guarantee you they�ll want to do a book.�

�Ummmmm, Sam, I don�t quite know quite how to say this, but my own stuff happens to be �growing up in the country� stories set in Juliette. If I bring River City your stories, which also seem to be �growing up in the country� stories set in Shady Dale, then I�m competing with myself. And that�s a not a very smart thing for me to do.�

�Ed, you�re being a little selfish here, aren�t you? I know my stories are better, but I�ll bet you could still find someone to continue publishing yours. River City is just one publisher, I�ll sure you could find another one.�

�Exactly, Sam, which is why you should take the initiative and go out and find your own publisher. I wish you the best in your search.�

�You�re not gonna help me? Don�t you think you�re being a little selfish here, Ed?�

�No, Sam, I don�t. I wish you the best of luck.�

�Man, this isn�t how your dad Fred said it would go. I trusted him, especially after reading so much about him. Mr. Fred said you like helping new writers, and here I am asking you for help, and you don�t wanna help me.�

�Sam, tell you what, I�ll make a deal with you. I�ll help you out with River City if you�ll go out first and find me another publisher. Then we�d be even, you�ll have a publisher and I�ll have a publisher. Whatcha think?�

�I gotta run, Ed. The wife is hollering for me. Tell Fred hello!�

*click*........................

This article was posted on February 16, 2005